At the age of seven years old, I was molested by a man that was a friend of my family for fifteen years. This man was considered a part of the family. He could come in the house as early as five in the morning and probably was given coffee and food to eat.
I remember one night I just couldn’t hold this awful dirty secret in anymore. I finally confessed to my mom what was going on. Of coarse, in the blink of an eye, the cops were called and the investigation began. Once the investigation was complete, he was thankfully put away. After all that, my parents took me to counseling.
The guilt and anger I carried was so strong and heavy. As I grew older, I wanted nothing to do with men. There was no desire to ever get married or have children. The idea of doing life “alone” was perfectly fine with me. As I started middle school, the guilt started to go away but the anger grew much more. At that point, I decided that I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to be the one to put those people away FOR A VERY LONG TIME! Just like some judges had reputations to be “the hanging judge,” I wanted that same reputation as a lawyer. Once this was set in my head, I took it upon myself to start studying different cases and such.
I think I was about fifteen or so when I woke up one morning and decided that I just couldn’t live like that anymore. Living in such a dark place with so much anger was taking everything out of me. I missed out on so much because of it. So I walked down stairs to talk to my mom about it. As she was standing in front of the sink washing a dish, I told her that I forgave the man that invaded my body. Nearly dropping the dish, she looked at me like I had ten heads! I told her that I just couldn’t carry that burden any longer. I’ll never forget what happened to me. However, I did forgive. Now, I will tell you this; If I saw him on the street, I would give him money to eat if I have it. Don’t get it twisted though. He of course would never be allowed to come close to my home or children…
Even back then, before I was saved, God was talking to me. It was not of my own strength that I decided to forgive. It was God. God knew in that in order for me to be where I am today, I had to let go. I had to move on. I mean do you really think that if I lived through my life with that anger, that I would be married with five children today? No friend, I would not!! Therefore, I have absolutely no regret in that decision what so ever! God wanted me to forgive that man as He has forgiven us of our sin. So I did. And so eighteen years later, I am in a good, Godly marriage with five absolutely beautiful children…
Let all the bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.